What You See, and What You Do Not See

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Take time for yourself,

because no one needs you

as much as you need yourself.

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Our time is not forever …

Most people in my life see me as a cheerful and happy person. It has always been that way, at least on the outside. But hardly anyone knew what things really looked like inside me. For a long time, not even I did. What you see is not always what truly exists within a person.

I always presented myself as friendly and open, perhaps a little shy. It was easy to talk with me, laugh together, make plans, and go on adventures. I was always ready to try new things and enjoy life to the fullest. But only rarely was I the one to actively approach others, especially when I did not know them.

Inside, things often looked very different. I did not feel at home in my body, and for a long time I could not understand what was wrong with me. Of course, there is nothing wrong with me, but it did not feel right either. That vague sense of unease, that inner disconnect, can be confusing and frightening. Especially when you love life, just not your own.

What feels especially thought-provoking to me in hindsight is this: in my earlier life, I knowingly met trans people several times. Some of them were part of my life for a while. And yet it never occurred to me that the same might also be true for me. That I might be carrying similar feelings within myself.

More on that another time, but this is a beginning.

Yours, Lizbeth